But, even after all of that work, golf doesn’t always love you back. For the fathers walking the courses with their kids, or following their rounds on television or the Internet, the game can be more bitter than sweet.
Matt Stanley was in the gallery at Torrey Pines in 2012 when Kyle lost a three-stroke lead, triple-bogeying the 72nd hole. Brandt Snedeker beat him on the second hole of their playoff. A year later, Matt still can’t find the proper words to describe the excruciating feeling of being in the gallery that day.
After the round, the family went to dinner, a quiet, somber affair where nobody could find the proper words to ease Kyle’s pain. It was a moment when having his father with him was absolutely necessary, but when even Matt Stanley didn’t know whether to fill the uncomfortable silences with small talk, or a pep talk.
“Kyle was devastated, absolutely devastated,” Matt said.
When he retold the story recently, Matt’s voice cracked. He had to stop several times to regain control of his emotions. Late into the dinner, Kyle’s phone began to hum like a lathe. Text messages of support came from fellow golfers, from Gonzaga basketball coach Mark Few, from people Kyle Stanley didn’t even know.
The next morning, as he prepared to leave for the next stop on the PGA’s travelling circus, the Waste Management Phoenix Open, Stanley called his father with the best news a kid can tell his dad.
“I don’t think this is going to be such a bad thing,” Kyle told his father. “I think this is going to work out all right.”
And that next weekend, in one of the highlights of the 2012 tour, Stanley came from eight shots back on the final day, shooting a bogey-free 65 to beat Ben Crane by a stroke (“Out of the Ashes,” CG, Apr. 2012). Matt and his wife, Michelle, were shopping at Nordstrom when Kyle called with the news. They had recorded the final round and immediately stopped shopping and raced home to watch and celebrate.
The win, like the loss, became a shared experience between father and son.
“We were bowled over,” Matt said. “Kyle had to show a lot of his soul when he lost, and then to come back. That’s just the way Kyle is. He handles everything with such equanimity.”